Goodbye letter to Baby Jessie

Dearest Baby Jessie,

Thank you for coming into our life.

Ever since I got married, I had always focused on my career. Building my career and then having a successful career were my goals. I wanted to accomplish so much in my career prior to having children because I thought having children would make it difficult to have a good career, especially as we wouldn’t be able to hire a nanny in Australia or Sweden.

I focused more and more on my career.

However, after moving to Sweden, I started to feel so lonely. Sometimes I felt homesick. I became so lonely. Besides that, Adrian and I felt that there was something missing in our family: the joy of having children.

When I found out that I was pregnant, we were both overjoyed. It was a miracle. I didn’t think that it was possible. Nevertheless, miracles do happen.

When I met my gynaecologist, she told us that I was pregnant but you had no pulse.

I remember crying out loud that day. The news made me really upset.

According to the gynaecologist, there was a possibility that you were dead. However, to be sure about it, she told me to take another blood test and meet her again a week later.

That one week was horrible, not knowing whether you were alive or not. My mom told me to talk to you. Every day I talked to you. I even sang ‘You are my sunshine, my only sunshine’ to you a few times a day.

Here is the song:

You are my sunshine

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are grey

You’ll never know dear how much I love you

Please don’t take my sunshine away

I told you about the story on my little sister’s Antonia, who did not have heartbeat either when she was a baby, but she survived. She is alive. Now she is studying at university. Did you hear me? Hope you heard me.

We decided to call you Baby Jessie, which means the gift of hope or God’s gift because you gave us hope. You were our hope.

I tried to focus on ‘present’, and not worry too much for the future. Each day brings a new hope. Each day is a hope.

Every day during that week I prayed a lot. I was scared, but hopeful.

Then after a week, the verdict came. The gynaecologist confirmed that you were dead. We were heartbroken. I didn’t and still don’t understand why it happened.

It’s hard to accept the fact, especially when we want to have a baby so much. I cry and cry. I still cry sometimes. I need to heal. I need to let go.

I am fortunate to have my family, friends, and your Dad who are supportive and caring.

Thank you for coming into our life, Jessie. Thank you for showing us that there is hope, and that miracles do happen.

We love you always. We will miss you. Good bye, Jessie. Rest in peace, Jessie. GBU. 🙏🙏🙏

Love,

Mom and Dad. ❤️❤️❤️

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